Hello, Pollyanna!

I am well known as "Pollyanna".  My husband of 43 years depended on my Pollyanna side. As long as I was happy, he felt like life was okay.  The few times sadness overtook me, he worried.  My sister, Teresa, asked me the other day if I have any dreams I want to fulfill.  What are my dreams, she asked.  I don't have any, I replied.  Astounded, she said, "No wonder you're a Pollyanna!"

Daryl was the dreamer for us.  He thought about things, planned things, asked me what I thought, and I was always happy to go along.  He took me fun places, and gave me a great life.  After an 11 year battle with Multiple Myeloma, and a one year battle to recover from bladder cancer's effects, He went home to be with the Lord Jesus on December 26, 2018.  

That leaves me in the new position of being a widow. After Daryl passed on, I asked myself how I could make even grieving something that could glorify the Lord.  I want this new life to be a testimony to the Lord's gracious kindness in my life. To be a widow who glorifies the Lord, both in how I grieve and in how I live. 

And so, I am embarking on this new journey.  To find out how to live again.  The Lord has been teaching me things gently, which I am calling "The Lord's lesson of the week."

Looking back, the first lesson was the week of Daryl's funeral.  The lesson was, that the funeral process was not about me.  Despite the fact that I loved my husband dearly, I didn't cry much.  Serving him was a joy in my life, and I actually geeked out with all the medical knowledge that I gained and got to use.  We had a long hard year, an intense, horrible last two months, and I was relieved that the Lord in His mercy took him home.  I expected to be weeping in sorrow, but instead, I was joyous that he was free of the pain, the misery, and that he did not have to experience the next level of pain.

The Lord surrounded me with family and friends that week.  It was like having my own personal army of support.  And  honestly, I soaked it up.  Dear family, you'll never know how much you did for me, even in the midst of your own grief.

The night we did the receiving of friends, I was astounded. I expected to find myself weeping much, and being consoled.  And  most certainly, I was consoled by their love and affection for me.  But there were two solid hours of grieving friends, neighbors, co-workers, and church and personal family.  They weren't as prepared for his passing as I was.  My calling that night was to comfort, console, and to assure them how very very loved they were by Daryl.  And they were.  His joy in life was helping other people achieve their best.  To disciple them and teach them.  He was an humble man who never believed himself worthy of all the kindnesses people showed him.  He loved deeply and he was loved. 

The funeral was a beautiful testimony of Daryl's walk with the Lord, and a desire to call the living to see the Savior. Two of the boys gave eulogies that would have made Daryl weep with joy...and  laugh as well.  The musicians, Pastor Tom's message...Daryl would have seriously loved his own funeral.  :-)      

I hope to use this blog to record the Lord's lessons in my life and the lives of others as I live this first year without Daryl.  May the Lord bless His lessons, and may I not waste my grief.  May God be glorified for all His wondrous kindnesses!